- it’s weird how being  crazy can become normal. I have felt what I think other people feel as normality for quite a few months now. However you can’t define normal. This week I’ve felt angry and I need to chill out. Would get a big bag of something green and smelly but something says I’d just have to deal with it Monday.

I text my Dad asking if he was ok. He said he was down and I know this is what has started me off again. It’s not my fault he’s down. It’s that pyscho he’s married to. But part of me thinks it is. If I had said nothing………

I know how it feels to have someone else that you love leave you hanging and there’s nothing more painful. But I know that’s what I’m doing to him. But I can’t do anything else. I can’t make it better for him and I can’t lie to him telling him he’s made the right choices. Even if I did he would know it’s not true because my brother doesn’t even want to set foot in that house ever again - it’s not just me. Also the only way I can be consistently happpy and feel consistently sane is to pretend nothing’s happened…to not think about my Dad.

Maybe it’s time to send the letter that’s been in my drawer for a month. But maybe that would do more harm than good?